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Against The Grain
I have a huge passion to help people gain parental rights who can’t afford an attorney. Especially since, as a parent, you already have parental rights afforded to you the minute your child is born! Its the fourteenth amendment! Me and my husband are in year 3 of his custody battle. We have had so much pain and heartache throughout the process as the other party basks in what they feel like is “winning.” Luckily, we pray through our decisions and our words and are able to handle this situation with love (most of the time, we are NOT perfect).
God has given us the strength to persevere in order to provide his daughter with 2 parents instead of 1 parent and a step parent.
His child lives 1700 miles away and it was to late to make them move back when we started. This causes so many issues, legally.
We couldn’t afford an attorney so I told him, just call and find out where to get the forms and who can help, any judge would be sure to allow a child to have both parent…..well, it just isn’t that simple in our case.
I call the court house for the appropriate forms, after explaining the situation I was told that they have forms to get a parenting plan set up if the father has been declared the father by the mother or by a paternity test.
We didn’t have that so I was then told, you will have to hire an attorney, we don’t have any forms to start a case like yours… I explained that there is an open child support case against him so he must have paternity….right? NO! I am told you have to have paternity to have parental rights but you don’t have to have paternity to be forced to pay child support!
At this point my husband was not allowed to speak to his daughter on the phone or go visit her. Her mom just would not allow it! So, we pull money out of a stock and spend our first $1500 on an attorney in the child’s state. Of course the minute we hired an attorney the child’s mother started allowing phone calls!
Eventually we got to a place where not only did we end up agreeing on all custody issues, we even drove to the mediation together to sign the agreement! This agreement gave him 18 visits a year with his daughter. 6 in Minnesota and 12 in Florida. But there was a catch….it gave him visits with his daughter “as agreed upon by both parties.” This statement, “as agreed upon by both parties” was then and still seems to be, the death of us!
Her first visit to Florida she was accompanied by her mother, on our dime. It seemed to go well…at first. See, I am very close to my x husband because it is about our children, not me and not him. Our thanksgiving table consist of my 2 exes and sometimes their current significant others. So, we made his daughter’s mom dinner, let her use our car while she was here and paid for her gas. She stayed with my husbands mother during the visit and we had his daughter some nights and she had her some nights. Then she called one day and wanted to take one of his overnight visits away from him so she could hang out with my husbands mom that day. My husband disagreed since the visit was so short anyways and said we could just come over to hang out with his daughter. Then he was told he was not allowed to see his daughter any longer because he does not appreciate her sacrifices for him….ummmm What!?
Knowing his daughter was sleeping we met the police at his mothers house and had them explain his parental rights and that she needs to hand the child over. So, she woke her up and we brought her back home. Of course, we didn’t get to see her the last 4 days she was in our state since the mother ended up taking her child and hiding her so the police could not enforce the handing over of his child again.
It was 6 months before a judge made the order with specific dates and he was able to see his daughter again. I’m keeping this short so I’m not even going into the plethora of different things we were put through (and by we I mean his daughter, but we were all hurting) during this time like the removal of phone calls and the 15 minutes strict “call in window” etc…
Once this order came through we flew out to Minnesota to see his daughter, that day! Then we attempted to exercise the parenting plan in full and we simply couldn’t do it. We spent $3000 in one month trying to do it the way the court ordered. Not only could we not afford it, it was to much back and for me, my husband and most importantly, the three kids involved!
Father has child in her state of residence the first Thursday of every month until the following Sunday.
Father has child in his state of residence the third Monday to the following Sunday every other month.
Alternating Holidays
Vacation time reserved
Like I said, she lives 1700 miles away! That is impossible. Me and my husband both lost new business and even some current clients. We spent every penny of our savings and could no longer afford an attorney. This schedule had to change…but how? We had/have a gofundme page and this was really helpful. We raised $1135 to help with plane tickets and court fees. When we went to exercise our first visit she was given to us in a Walmart parking lot with no change of clothes and no car seat. We were broke. We had no car seat and no clothes for her…what do you do? Luckily we have amazing friends and family that immediately donated money knowing we would get it the next day so we could buy her the essentials and enjoy her instead of stressing about these silly little things. Seriously, even after explaining to her mom that we would be stuck at Walmart with no car seat, she said, that’s your problem and drove off…so sad!
Because I have successfully written many motions and affidavits and won in arguments against her attorney a few times now. Of course I can’t speak to the judge but I spend a lot of time prepping my husband with the laws and knowledge he needs. We went pro-se and we don’t regret it! My motions read like an attorney that we would have had to spend $10,000 on(quote from my husband)! I have a tiny background in law. I did a program that allowed me to defend juvenile, misdemeanor offenders in front of a jury of their own peers and a real judge. I was in a class learning the law at the time. So, the words like motions, affidavits, certificate of service, memorandum of law etc…were not completely lost on me. Plus, I did spend 4 years in collage which means I know how to self teach!
We are still in this battle, but if we win the set of motions that will be heard next month, we will be done fighting as long as his daughter is happy and safe. We are not looking for full custody…for now. All we want is joint-custody. The ability for my husband to be an equal parent with equal rights and a schedule that allows a sufficient amount of time with her dad in a financially realistic way. Should her mother stop following the court order or should a case of parental alienation come to light, then we will look for full custody. But, for now, we have faith that God wants this child to have two equal parents and that when this is all over, her hate for us may die!
Okay I rambled….why am I writing this on my website? Because I want to help you! No one should ever feel as desperate and helpless as we did in the beginning! I can help you find statutes and case law and give you the tools to write motions in the proper format that will help you get started in court. Of course, the best idea is to have an attorney, but, if you simply cant get one, I want to help you! Not only do I want to help you, I want to do it free of charge, because children are important. I cant guarantee anything, I’m not a lawyer. But, I can certainty help get you started and eventually you will understand the process of law better and will be able to figure things out on your own.
You already HAVE full custody! Crazy right! Its truth….listen to this:
Every natural/biological parent *already* has full legal/physical custody of their child from the very moment of birth. These full and equally-shared custodial rights over children are *pre-existing* long before ever entering into any family court process. ~Parental Right Class Action
The fourteenth amendment grants you full custody if you dig into it deep enough! So, it’s time to flip the court you’re currently in upside down and demand your legal and physical custody of your child. If they don’t listen, you need to move to a federal court! But, please remember, the child’s other parent has legal and physical custody as well. This means that you both have joint custody per the fourteenth amendment. Please, don’t ever take a child away from their parent unless they are abusing them in some way, it is never best for the child. Also, never try to take your child if it is not your ordered time to have them, be patient! If the other parent is abusing them, set something up that is supervised in a safe and controlled environment so they can see their parent…it is best for the child! This is not about you and I will not help someone that is unwilling to see that. When you have a child, it is time to put your pride away and sacrifice for them, even if it hurts!
My biggest goal right now is to go back to school and get my masters in law so I can officially help people in these tight custody situations. Honestly, I don’t necessarily want to help you, I want to help your child! I cant afford to go to school right now since every penny goes into my husband’s daughter’s case right now but I will do it one day! If you happen to have an extra dollar to spare, we still do have a gofundme page set up and would appreciate your help towards our case, then towards allowing me to help others! But, if you are like me and don’t have even a dollar to spare, no worries. I do not want to help you in hopes to get donations, I want to help you in hopes to allow you to be the parent you so desperately want to be!
Soon I will add some blank forms to get you started, basic legal tips and websites full of resources, so you might want to subscribe to get updates! Just hit the subscribe button to the right if your on a desktop, under the content if your on a mobile device.
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