Against The Grain
I have two boys, 12 and 8 years old. They do and say the worst things! I keep telling myself it's normal and all boys do these things. They are crazy, crazy little humans! Anyways, I had to put a list together of things I never thought I would have to say to my children! So, here is a list of things I have had to say to my boys that I never thought I would!
1. "Aaron, punch your brother now." - His brother punched him first and told him sorry, here punch me back and Aaron walked away, so I instructed him on what to do!
2. "No, you punch like this...ok go fight your brother...no faces though!" - I also had to instruct him on how to do it.
3. Joshua get the hose and clean up all of the penises you drew on the road and driveway. - The boys went outside with chalk and used every single piece of it to draw large penises on the driveway and a 20 foot long penis on the road in front of the house!
4. New rule...no more drawing penises on the board. - We unschool/homeschool and I got tired of seeing penises on the white board...This was quickly followed up with the question...can we still draw butts with poop coming out of them!
5. To which I said, "Yes, butts with poop are fine."..Yes, for some unknown reason I approved butt drawings!?
6. "Aaron stop whining and do a back handspring. You have plenty of room." He is a gymnast, I like to show off his skills!
7. "Aaron climb to the ceiling by using the door way it's funny." He is seriously skilled, he climbs up walls like spider man...dangerous maybe, but its really cool!
8. "Joshua show Mimi your tor jete move from ballet." Joshua is skilled in ballet, jazz and hip-hop. I never though I would be instruct my BOYS to do ballet moves, but its so pretty!
9. "Yes you can wear your ballet tights to the store I don't care." When I had to get him tights for ballet I thought he wouldn't even want to try them on...but no, he wore them EVERYWHERE!
10. "Aaron Just pee by the car when we get to the parking lot I don't feel like going to the bathroom." This kid has a bladder the size of a pea!I am tired of getting to the car just to trun around and go back in to the bathroom...so, we have perfected to art of him standing between two open car doors and me standing behind hinm and he pees where he stands!He is probably getting to old to do this much longer!
11. "Aaron we have to go just wear your pajamas." This kid wears janimals everywhere. HE also does not understand the concept of shoe wearing. So typically he goes out in janimals and bare feet.
12. "Aaron since when do you need shoes..." I have gotten so used to him not wearing shoes, I don;t even like to wait around for him to find a pair when it is time to leave. Seriously this kid goes bare foot when he is exploring the woods.
13. "Its raining kids go outside and don't come in until it stops." We live in Florida, I don't allow my kids tow waste a perfectly good rain by sitting indoors. They use their skim board and boogy board more in the flooded ditch in our front yard then they do at the dreaded beach!
14. "We don't have time for socks let's go." Seriously, why am I always in a rush....oh yeah I have kids, I'm always late....I get to blame tardiness on my kids right....It could be my husbands fault to, I just know i'ts not my fault!
15. "Josh get out of my yarn bag you can't knit right now." When I started knitting, he always wanted to knit! He learned a few things and has since given it up. But, I never thought I would have knitting supplies or have a problem with my boys wanting to use them!
15. "Nice sashay Aaron" Because one boy in ballet is not enough, I had two! He took ballet to better his gymnastic skills, then he got bored and quit so we are back to gymnastics only with him.
16. "Dad, Aaron just fell on his head he's fine. He does it all of the time." We were at my dads house and I had just said one of my famous lines, "Aaron, do a back handspring, you have plenty of room." Yeah I guess he didn't have enough room, he fell right on his head. He falls all of the time and he doesn't care, sorry that I didn't run to his aid!
17. "Aaron you can't trust fall when no one is around...but could job trusting the floor...?" Yes, I praised my child for trusting the floor...I don't know anymore...Seriously, no fear, he just went, "watch this" and screamed trust fall as he fell straight back, no bending of the legs or hesitation, straight back to the floor!
18. "You're scared going to bed tonight? Leave your light on good night..." Lights, no lights, who cares...I used to care, then I became a seasoned mom and I'm like, hey, whatever makes you go away so I can have a break!
19. "I know it's messy that's why we are doing it!" Nothing is fun unless its messy, they are boys, clean is boring!
20. "Aaron, stop looking at the horses penis and just brush him. This was at horseback riding lesson, he looks at the horse then looks up at me and says. "Wow, his penis is huge!!!" Ummm, can we talk about horse penises when there aren't other people around please?
21. Aaron was riding his horse and the horse stopped and he screamed across a large area, Mom, my horse is pooping!" Really Aaron, you couldn't have ridden over here after he was done to quietly tell me this exciting piece of information!
22. "Aaron, do you have to pee, why is your had in your pants?" Oh, no, I just have a boner..." He is EIGHT! What?!
Ill stop here, but I will make another list soon! Boys are too much fun, I suggest having one or two!