Against The Grain
As I have mentioned in past post, we have strong beliefs about the way relationships work and there are many reasons for that! Lets just say me and my husband have had to get very creative to push through the barriers of our past and we don't want our children to have to do the same. We would much rather teach them by example and by being open about our past struggles and hope they catch onto what we found to be the most satisfying relationship to have with your spouse.
First, let me give you a quick overview of our beliefs...
Most importantly, it is a biblical approach. Why? because God's way seems to be the only way...go figure! We believe every word in the bible which means we believe that God gave us clear instructions about how and man and woman should act together and what role each one of them play. We teach our children that sex is for a married couple. Yes, I know, how old fashion of us! My children see and feel the drama that incurs from breaking this most important rule! I promise, waiting for marriage to have sex is actually a real thing and a very realistic option for all of us!
Second thing I have to mention is about the mans dominance in a relationship. So many people believe that if we follow the rule that the man is to be respected at all times, that we are oppressing women. It's not true! Get that out of your head, please! Ephesians 5:22-24 says, Wives, submit yourself to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
So this verse has some hot words in it that upset so many people....Submit,to your husband in EVERYTHING! Here is the biggest problem with so many peoples anger over this verse, they forgot to read on! The bible does NOT say, submit to your husband, be a doormat, quiet your self and husbands, do whatever you want. This verse is not oppressing us, it is freeing us! When I give my husband the power to make important decisions and obey him, I am free to do my job and honestly, its a lot less stressful this way!
So what are people missing? The next verse...Ephesians 5:25-28 says, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holey, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Okay, so I have to respect and obey my husband...what does he have to do? He has to love me as Christ loved the church....do you have any idea what that means??? Let me break it down for you.
1. Lead by example - I am supposed to show him respect, if he is to lead by example, he is to show me respect. He shows us examples of saving money, cleaning, paying bills, speaking to others with respect, helping others, etc...
2. Lead by sharing - He has to share is bacon with me....that's a big deal! Seriously though, he has to share his love, his respect, his money, his everything! Nothing is his, it is ours! Of course that rules goes for me to, because I respect him enough to share!
3. Lead by encouragement - My husband always has good things to say. When I want to go on some new adventure of learning how to knit, or starting an oil business or a photography business etc... he is always encouraging and supportive. When I am upset about how terrible of a mother and wife I am, he always reminds me of the good and how wonderful I am. He encourages me to be myself and to chase my dreams.
4. Lead by serving - My husband serves me. He ask me what I need, what I want, what he can get me.
5. Bring the word of God - It is his job to teach me the word of God and help me to interpret it. Of course it is still my job to chase Jesus with all I have, but he is the head of our household, it is important that he teach is in the way only he can.
6. Sacrifice - Remember when Jesus died for the church, yeah that's a rough order! He is supposed to sacrifice his life for me if the situation calls. He sacrifices for me and for our family. He doesn't have the car he wants, he has the car we can afford. If he had the car he wanted, our son wouldn't have the braces he needs. We all sacrifice for each other. But, if he walked away form our family, he makes enough money to have all of the things he wants, but he loves us enough to sacrifice those wordly wants and make sure we are all taken care of. He also sacrifices his time. He doesn't get to do what he wants, when he wants to. He has his times that he does things for him self of course, but he takes time away for me and our kids.
7. Faith - Faith in God first and foremost. But, he also has faith in me. He is also faithful to me. Faith is such a big deal. It creates trust and proves love
8. Praise - He praises God of course, but he also shows me praise. Every little thing I do, I get praise for. If I do dishes, he says, thanks for doing the dishes. If I knit or draw something he says things like, wow good job babe, you're really good at that. When I go out on a photography job, he takes the time to look through my pictures and praise my work.
9. Be captivated - He is SUPPOSED to be captivated by me. So, yeah he tries. Sometimes he dazes when I'm talking and interrupts me, but hey, he isn't Jesus right!? But, when we are out on a date or away from distractions, he is captivated. He doesn't search the room for other things to look at, he focuses on me.
10. Honor - He honors me, he makes me feel like he is privileged to be near me. He makes me feel like my presence is a gift, something he works hard to keep.
11. Be one with - He has chosen to be one with me. He does not try to be one with anyone else, just me. Whats his is mine and what mine is mine...Just kidding!
12. Forget it, I will never have time to write out a list of all of the things God has required him to do by saying love your wife as Christ loved the church because God's love for us is endless and He is always finding new ways to shows us His love!
Wow...My job seems easy now! So, by obeying my husband and respecting him, I am not oppressing myself! I am doing the easy part!
Don't be afraid to respect and obey your husband and don't be afraid to teach your children this same principle, because our job is an easy one!
This is one of many beliefs we have surrounding relationships, next I will elaborate on the specific duties of men and women and what they mean. Remember, we are all equal in God's eyes, male and female, but we are equal with different duties.
Checkout my post about the role of the christian woman!