Against The Grain
We have very strong beliefs on how relationships should go and many reason for our beliefs that I will write about later. Having these beliefs isn't enough, we have to teach these beliefs to our little men and woman! One practical exercise we do often is father-daughter dating! We hope that she will be so used to being treated properly that it will become easy for her to know who is worth her time when she is ready to venture into the world of dating! I am writing this post as a list of things we teach my step-daughter when my husband is on a father-daughter date. I'm hoping this will keep us on our toes and give us a place to add new ideas! It is important to understand that I am writing this list with our beliefs of how relationships work. We have a christian philosophy behind our ideas, I will write a post more about that soon. On their dates, my step daughter is to be treated like a lady in the traditional sense and my husband is to be gentleman in the traditional sense. This is a list of the actions to take place on a date. I will soon post about the beliefs we hope to ingrain about herself to reference when dating!
1. Don't let her open a door. My husband always opens my doors. It reminds me that he cares and that I am important. It also makes him feel manly when I let him open the door for me and I don't want to take away an opportunity to make him feel good about himself! On a father daughter date my husband will open every door they approach and her car door!
2. Chairs...my husband will pull out her chair and wait for her sit down before he does.
3. Pay...it may seem normal for my husband to pay because he is her father so he will pay anyways. But, it is important that he make it obvious that he is paying so she can expect her dates to pay her way when she is older.
4. Conversation...it is his job to provoke conversation with her. He will ask questions and listen carefully to each response and NEVER cut her off!
5. Go OUT! They will go to a public place that allows for talking and getting to know each other on a deeper level. No hanging out at home. Hanging out at home is NOT a date, when she is older hanging out at home with a boy she likes is nothing but a temptation for things she plans to wait until marriage for!
6. Clean the car. She should notice the effort daddy put in to cleaning the car for their date because she is worth it!
7. Dress up. He will shower, shave and do his hair then put on a collared shirt, nice jeans and clean shoes. while he is getting ready, I am helping her with her outfit and hair. We don't want her feeling like she put more effort into getting ready than daddy did!
8. My husband does not continually check his phone during date time. He stays off of it and pays attention solely to her.
9. Expect memories. It is my husbands job to create life long memories for her.
10. No kissing! Okay, obviously they aren't going to have this problem. But it is important to let her know that the amount of time they spend not kissing, is the exact amount of time she should spend kissing a real date. Dates are not about being physical, that is for the wedding night. Dates are to get to know each other on the inside, not the outside! She needs to know that it is okay to not give into a physical desire, if a man she is dating is not okay with that...next please!
11. He will hold her hand, put his arm around her, he will stay connected. This shows her she cares and it will make her feel good!
12. The little things..he will bring her a single rose or pick fresh flowers for her, something to make her feel like he put extra thought into his efforts.
13. Eye contact. He will show he is confident enough to make eye contact with his date when he talks.
14. If there is only one seat, expect him to give it up!
15. Table Manners. Keep your manners, stay clean, use a napkin and expect him to do the same!
I have a feeling this list will grow with time. These are the things I was able to think through as I sit here typing but, as we continue to date our children, we will continue to see more things they need to learn and I will add it to the list.
Did you notice something I missed? Comment and let me know!